


make fools of us all

by withoutwords



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Fluff and Smut, Jealousy, M/M, Pining, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 18:51:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21462847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withoutwords/pseuds/withoutwords
Summary: “Yeah but he’s always at the library or in class or out for a drink with the lads,” Ben complains, making air quotes. He knows how pathetic he sounds, and if it was any one but Jay he wouldn’t be saying a word.“Oh right, you’re not jealous of class you’re jealous of all the other blokes spending time with your man.”
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 14
Kudos: 286





	make fools of us all

**Author's Note:**

> from a prompt at tumblr: "Ben gets jealous and it leads to some angst but also leads to some TopCallum and BottomBen scenes"
> 
> thanks as always for reading x

Ben doesn’t want to jinx it, but things are going well. Callum’s still entertaining the police force idea, and the Panesars are still breathing down his neck - but that’s infant stuff, he knows. He’s dealt with a lot worse. He sees Lexi every day, and Jay and Lola are the happiest they’ve ever been, and Ben has a  _ boyfriend _ , which is nothing short of ridiculous.

Callum’s pretty ridiculous, though, so it works.

What isn’t working, at least not for Ben - is that Callum has started taking classes. Callum’s busy and preoccupied and making new friends and it itches like a splinter under Ben’s skin.

“Just go say hi,”Jay says with an insufferable sigh as Ben sends longing looks at Callum across Kathy’s Cafe. He’s at a table with two other guys and a woman and they’re all chatting and laughing and note taking. Ben’s jaw clenches.

“No,” Ben mutters, deciding to stare at his coffee cup instead. “He’s working.”

“Tell ya face that.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Jay scoffs at him and Ben resists the urge to throw his cold eggs in his face. “What’dya think was going to happen? He was gonna be lonely for you forever?”

“Course not. I just miss him, that’s all.”

“You practically live with him!”

“Yeah but he’s always at the library or in class or out for a drink with t _ he lads _ ,” Ben complains, making air quotes. He knows how pathetic he sounds, and if it was any one but Jay he wouldn’t be saying a word. 

“Oh right, you’re not jealous of class you’re jealous of all the other blokes spending time with your man.”

Ben pulls a face. “Gross, don’t. And as if I’d be worried about him running off with some college nerd when he can come home to this prime slice of beef.”

“Oh jeez, now who’s gross.”

“Anyway, I gotta go,” Ben tells him, mostly because he’s thrown one too many looks over there and caught Callum mid laugh. It his him square in the ribs. “Catch you in the Vic later, yeah?”

*

It’s not that Callum hasn’t tried to include him. He’s tried to invite Ben out a few different times, but Ben’s always made up some excuse to get out of it. It’s a weak move, but it’s one of Ben’s specialties. Ignoring the problem and hoping that it will go away on its own.

Except it’s Ben’s problem, not Callum’s.

If he’s honest, this has been the best thing for Callum. Getting out of his rut and pursuing something he wants and meeting people who understand him. Ben’s really, really happy for him and as much as it’s going to make things between them difficult, he does hope it works out.

“Been missing you,” Callum says quietly into Ben’s ear, arm thrown around the back of Ben’s chair. They’re at the Albert with a group of people, but everyone else seems to have dissolved into the crowd.

“Oh yeah?”

“Course. Hardly get time to ourselves these days.”

Ben turns his face up to look at Callum with a smirk. “I thought the other night was pretty good, myself.”

“Well, yeah, that,” Callum agrees, but rolls his eyes. “But I meant just spending time together, y’know.”

“Yeah, I get ya.” Ben hopes he’s not letting on just how good it is to hear Callum say that, but the fact he leans in for a slow, open mouthed kiss is probably somewhat of a giveaway.

“Callum?” a voice calls out, forcing them both to pull away from the kiss. The guy standing over their table is tall and tousle haired and classically handsome and Ben feels his fingernails digging into his palms. “Hey, man, what’re you doing here?”

Callum stands up to share the guys hand, saying something that Ben mostly tunes out until he hears Callum call his name. “Ben?

“Uh, yeah, sorry.” Ben gets to his feet. 

“This is Matt, from my Criminology class.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Matt tells Ben, offering his hand, and Ben decides it’s best just to shake it. He offers a smile he knows he usually reserves for dunces that come into the car lot looking to get rich quick. This guy couldn’t be further from that if he tried. 

“All good I hope.”

“Of course.”

Ben tunes them back out again as they chit chat about something he doesn’t understand, and after too long a time Matt is telling Ben it was nice to meet him and heading off. Ben can’t miss the look Callum throws him once they’re alone.

“What?” he mutters, sinking back in his chair to pull another pint.

“Look, I know you’re not keen on meeting my classmates, but you could at least be polite.”

“I was!”

Callum huffs. “They’re not geeks and snobs like you think.”

“I don’t think that!”

“Sure,” Callum says, and then he gets to his feet again, grabbing his empty glass. “Same again?”

*

Not so long ago it was Ben that was the preoccupied one. He’d miss dinners and cancel plans and go days at a time without so much as being in the same room as Callum. He became so fixated on his work that he managed to block everything else out.

And Callum never complained.

With the shoe on the other foot, Ben’s realising how different they are. Callum calls from a quiet library or texts from a noisy bar or sends a Snapchat to him with a group of (very male) friends telling him they’re so, so sorry as they laugh and run for a train.

Ben’s not so forgiving.

“You’re angry,” Callum says, when Ben throws a very cold meal into the sink.

“No kidding,” he mutters pissily, going to the shelf for the whiskey.

“I’m sorry, Ben, I really am, if I’d known you were doing all this - ”

“Why does that matter?” Ben shouts, throwing his arms out. The room’s dimly lit, there’s candles and soft music and Ben almost wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Who has he become? “You said you’d be home at 7.”

“I know. I should have called, I know.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

Callum goes to say something but then decides against it, sighing and rubbing at his face. “I donno, I can’t explain it. It’s like I get in this zone and I can’t pull myself out of it and suddenly it’s three hours later.”

“So that’s how it’s going to be then, huh? I just don’t register no more?”

“What? No!” Callum cries, coming over to grab Ben’s arms and keep him close. “Of course not!”

“Because this keeps happening, Callum,”

“I know, I’m sorry, I need to try harder.”

The look on his face is almost enough for Ben to just forget the whole thing then and there. It’s Callum Highway, his Callum, and Ben knows more than anything in the world that he would never do anything to hurt Ben. “It’s important,” Ben says, grabbing Callum back. “I’m just being selfish because I’m used to having you whenever I want.”

Callum smiles. “Jay used to let us get away with a lot.”

“Yeah,” Ben agrees, trying to hold back his own grin. “Look, I know you ain’t doing this on purpose. I just … it’s just shit, y’know. I miss you.”

“I know.” Callum pulls him right in this time, wrapping his arms around him. He kisses Ben’s head and Ben kisses his shoulder and it would be nice to stop time and keep out the world and just stay like this forever.

But Ben’s not that naive.

*

Callum keeps asking, and Ben finally surrenders, and they both go into town and meet with a group of Callum’s classmates. He talks about them a lot, and Ben’s done well so far to pretend not to mind - so he thinks he’ll be fine. Have a few drinks, get a little buzz going, try not to imagine every fit bloke there is trying to shag his boyfriend.

Easy.

“Ah, the infamous Ben,” a young woman teases over her cocktail. “I was beginning to think you didn’t exist.”

“Here I am.”

She looks him up and down. “Ain’t you lucky.”

“For being here?”

“For being with Callum,” she says, and it sounds a lot like,  _ you idiot _ . He deserves it.

“Yeah. Course I am.”

Ben mostly hovers by Callum’s side, downing one pint and then another. Sometimes his friends try to join him in the conversation, ask about his life - but it becomes pretty clear pretty fast that he’s not interested in having these chit-chats with them. What would he say? It’s nice you want to study crime, would you like a real life example?

He feels trapped.

“You alright?” Callum asks as he watches Ben finish off another drink. His tone suggests he’s not actually all that concerned.

“Fine. You?”

“I’m good. Not that keen on trying to make excuses for my boyfriend, though.”

“What - ” Ben starts to say, but they’re interrupted by Criminology Matt, coming up to grab at Callum’s shoulders. Ben wonders if Callum’s classmates could teach him how to bury a body.

“Callum, you’re missing shots.”

“Oh, no,” Callum tries to argue, but then Matt has an arm around his shoulders and is giving him a gentle shake. Ben feels sick with the sight and tries to tamp it down. He knows it’s not fair, or right, or healthy, but it keeps hitting him like a freight train. He can’t stop it. 

“C’mon, after that last exam? We deserve it. Block out the last six months. Tell him, Ben.”

Ben folds his arms to keep his fists from doing something stupid. “I’d prefer you get ya hands off my boyfriend actually, Matt.”

“Ben!” Callum shouts, but Matt does pull away and take a step sideways.

“He’s a grown man,” Matt tells him, with a bit of an edge. “Yeah, and he just said he doesn’t want to go with you.”

“I’m just trying to be supportive. Maybe you can learn a thing or two.”

Ben goes to lunge over, feeling a stupid pleasure in the way Matt lurches back, but then Callum’s there standing between them and looking like he might give Ben a taste of his own medicine. “Seriously? I’m right here.”

“He,” Ben tries to say but Callum just pushes at him and says, “Outside, right now.”

The air’s cool when they leave the bar and Ben’s glad for it. He takes a deep breath, ready to defend himself (how, he doesn’t know), but Callum fires away first.

“What the hell was that, Ben? From the minute you got in there you’ve been nothin’ but rude and dismissive and - ”

“Try and tell me that Matt bloke don’t want in your pants, Callum,” Ben shouts, and it’s one of the stupidest things he’s ever said. To any one. He can physically see the way Callum shuts down, his anger being replaced with passivity. 

“Wow. That’s … great. Why don’t you find your own way home, huh? I’ll see ya later.”

Ben tries to call out to him but Callum doesn’t look back.

*

Ben cops an earful from Jay, and Lola, and even Lexi, despite the fact she doesn't know what’s actually going on. Callum dodges his calls and texts for the next few days and is never at home, or work, or the library whenever Ben tries to go and find him. He’s screwed up, and he’s becoming less and less sure that he can salvage it. 

Even if he refuses to give up.

“He ain’t here,” Stuart tells him through the intercom, when Ben tries the flat again.

“Seriously? Stuart, you gotta - ”

“I don’t gotta do nothing for you, Mitchell,” he barks, and Ben’s left with nothing but the dial tone and bloody knuckles when he punches the wall. He’s pathetic.

The worst part is, he doesn’t know what to do. With business - both legit and not-so - he’s always had a plan. With his dad, and Lexi, and their future - he’s always had a plan. But Callum’s been messing up his plans from day one. Ben doesn’t know what to do with him, or without him, or … He doesn’t know what to do.

“Oh, there he is,” Whitney teases as he goes past her stall. She’s smirking at him in that way she always loves to. “Still being ghosted then?”

“Right,” Ben says with a sigh, accepting his fate. “Course he told you too.”

“Not the specifics, but I figure it was something you did.”

“Ain’t it always.” 

Whit’s smirk falters. “Just don’t be your usual self and demand forgiveness, will ya? He’ll get there on his own.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Ben goes to leave but she calls him back, putting a hand on his shoulder which surprises him more than almost anything else. Whit’s been good to them, to a point, but there will always be walls now. Things have changed, and that’s fair.

“Don’t mess this up, yeah?” she says. “I mean, I know he loved me in his way, but when I … I see him with you and I see what was missing, y’know? Like the mask is off and he ain’t afraid to show himself.”

Ben thanks her and leaves again and tries to let the weight of that sink in. Him and Callum haven’t been together as long as he was with Whit - but she’s already accepting their importance. She’s already got faith in it. Ben’s so, so stupid.

When he runs straight into Callum coming out of the Vic, he can’t think of anything else to do but grab his arm and hold it, “Please,” he says dumbly, searching Callum’s eyes. He mostly still sees anger there. “Can we go somewhere? Talk?” 

“Ben,”

“Please. I got a lot’ve apologising to do, and I. I want to explain.”

*

When they get to the flat, Stuart’s gone, and Ben has to wonder if Callum sent him a text to get rid of him. He doesn’t care either way. They’re alone for the first time in ages and he wants to make the most of it.

“I have to tell you - ” he starts to say, and Callum scoffs at him, throwing his jacket onto the couch. 

“What, that you don’t trust me? That you think the first sniff of another guy and I’m gonna go on a shagging spree?”

“No!” Ben protests, trying to close the gap and Callum not letting him. “It’s got nothing to do with that. I mean, not like that. No.”

“What am I supposed to think, Ben? You treat my friends like garbage, you try and tell me all they want is to sleep with me - ”

“What? No, Callum,”

“I’m trying to do something good for me, and you promised me you’d be there for me, and - ”

“I’m in love with you!” Ben shouts at him, and as much as he means it he still wishes the floor would open up and swallow him whole. “I’m so stupid in love with you that any time something changes or, or you meet some fit bloke, I think, well this is it, ain’t it? This is where I lose Callum.”

Callum is just standing, staring, looking like he might be trying to catch his breath. Ben wants nothing more than to go over there and grab him, but he doesn’t want to make things worse than he has. He doesn’t want to spook him.

“So, yeah, I was jealous, Which is fuckin’ ugly, I get that - but. But not ‘cause you, or ya mates, or anyone did anything. It’s no one’s fault but mine.”

“Ben,” Callum manages to get out, on a breath, and Ben starts edging a little closer.

“Before we started this I told ya, I said you deserve someone nice. And good. And I never stopped believing that Callum. So when you’re finally doing something you love, and you’re getting the things you deserve, well I figure … I figure I’m the next thing to move on from, y’know?”

“No,” Callum grinds out, pulling Ben to him by his shirt. “That ain’t gonna happen. Yes, I like class, and training and my mates, but … but I don’t want that more than I want you. Why’d you think I was always asking you to come out with me, huh? I always want you with me. I  _ always _ want you.”

Ben holds Callum’s face when he leans up for the kiss, Callum’s huge hands splaying out against his chest as he accepts it. Ben feels heat and wonder and disbelief root itself in his bones - how did this happen, how did things get to be so good for him?

“I'm sorry,” he says when they break the kiss, their forehead pressed against each other. Callum’s hands move down to Ben’s hips, his arse, pulling them closer together. “And don’t say it’s alright, ‘cause it ain’t, I know it ain’t. I just freaked out. I am freaking out. So much is changing and I miss having you all to myself, and I - I - ”

Callum hushes him, saying, “I know, I know,” before kissing Ben again, hands up to his face, his neck. It’s like he’s loosening a knot, and Ben’s starting to unravel, and before he really knows what’s happening Callum’s pulling him toward the bedroom and pushing him onto the bed.

They’re sprawled together, Callum covering Ben with his whole body and slowly pulling sounds from Ben as he kisses his mouth, his neck, his throat. Ben’s useless, mostly, except to pull at Callum’s shirt and open his mouth for a kiss, and press his tongue to Callum’s teeth and think about them biting his skin.

“Fuck me,” he pleads, practically desperate, his ankles hooked at the small of Callum’s back and his hips trying to get friction. “C’mon, Callum, I need you, fuck me.”

*

They slowly undress each other. Ben just laughs when Callum curses at his jeans, and Callum smirks and shakes his head when Ben pleads for help with Callum’s buttons - and it feels like them again, in a way it hasn’t in weeks, or longer.

Ben can breathe.

When it’s just souls and skin and cocks, and Ben’s hard and wet against his belly, Callum pulls out the lube from the drawer, warming it on his fingers.

“Like this,” Ben tells him breathlessly, on a pillow on his back and holding a knee up; hissing when Callum presses the tip of a finger against his hole and pushes. “Fuck.”

“Alright?” Callum asks, coming in close and taking Ben’s leg over his shoulder. He’s long and heavy and strong and good and Ben’s really not sure how long he’s going to last like this.

“Yeah, yes, please,” he groans, Callum’s long finger moving inside of him, glancing against all the right muscles and nerves and making Ben gasp. “Another, another.”

Callum gets two fingers in him and bends them, and twists, and Ben has to make him stop so he can steady himself. HIs arm is around Callum, he feels his sweat and smells his shampoo and hears the thudthudthud of his heart. He’s never felt more alive.

“You’re so beautiful,” he tells him, falling back and touching at Callum’s face. He draws lines over his eyes and along his nose, twisting an earlobe with his thumb.

“Ben,” Callum says shyly, flushing even more than he already was.

“I’m serious. You’re gorgeous, and kind, and funny, and … shit, Callum, how’s this become my life?”

Callum pushes in close again, and crooks his fingers, and makes Ben gasp at the space between them. “When I chose you,” he says with a smile, and then scissors his fingers, stretching Ben out.

“Shit, shit, shit, you gotta,” Ben says, clawing at Callum, and Callum pulls his hand away to quickly fumble on a condom. Ben bunches the sheets in his hands and prays to the ceiling and waits, too long, too long, until Callum’s there again and hitching up his leg and teasing the head of his cock against Ben, so slightly.

“Alright?”

“Yes, yeah, go, please,” Ben begs, and then calls out his name when Callum pushes the head in, going all the way until he’s fully seated. They stop there for a moment, face to face and completely connected, Ben feeling like he might explode from it all. He'd just be dust, clinging to Callum's eyelashes.

Callum whispers,

“I don’t know how to say things like you do, but - but it’s the same for me, you gotta know that.”

“Yeah,” Ben gasps, “I do, yeah.”

“I don’t think you do,” Callum argues, but his eyes are bright and he’s smiling and he starts moving inside Ben, circling and shallow thrusts and teasing teasing teasing. “You ain’t got a clue, you really don’t.”

“Then show me,” Ben says huskily, eyelids heavy and his hips up and his whole body about to snap like tightrope. “Show me Callum, please.”

Callum pulls out enough to thrust back in, hard and just right and Ben’s cock thickening up again waiting and wanting for more. He’s not slow or gentle now, and Ben loves this side of Callum - different from the fumbling or soft or unsure. He fucks Ben like he does all the things that mean so much to him - with focus and purpose and want.

“Ben, fuck,” he grinds out as he works him over, the headboard banging and Ben’s hand squeezing at his cock and it’s filthy and crazy and so, so good and Ben knows neither of them are going to last.

“Go for it, babe, do it,” Ben urges, matching his strokes with Callum’s thrusts and the two of them just heaving and gripping and pulsing together and doing what they’ve always done.

Following each other over the edge.

*

“Hey,” Callum says a little later when they’re sort of clean and sort of conscious and mostly done. 

Ben hums at him.

“I’m stupid in love with you, too.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thefancyspin.tumblr.com


End file.
